“The Artist Said” by Megan Seaman

 

Lord Ganesha, remover of all obstacles, bestower of Wisdom

What’s green and sawtoothed, with woody musk?

“Why, it’s the evergreen mammoth” the explorer said, “with his two ton tusks.”

 

What’s curved and scaled, with fiery sound?

“Why, it’s the darkened treble” the musician said, “of the clef that abounds.”

 

What’s stony and grey, with an elephant’s head?

“Why, it’s the deity of wisdom” the Brahman said, “atop a mouse, instead.”

 

What’s changing and swirling, with fearsome winds?

“Why, it’s the modified mind-stuff” the Yogini said, “fighting to get in.”

 

What’s full of coincidence, imagination and, dreams?

“Why, it’s the three only things” the artist said, “that thread the seams…

…of the creative spirit and connects us all

and into the soundless nothingness we all will fall.”

 

And the artist said with glazed over gaze, but canny contemplation,

“the canvas I paint today is my own sublimation

of the enemy ego that darkens my heart

and clouds the love that brightens the stark

and cold tundras of this armor I wear

that was built to protect the vulnerability I fear.”

 

And then the artist said, with a sigh and a step,

“I’m setting free this corroded metal for the self and the breath.

No more clinging

No more stinging

No more sea salty things

Just the light in the sky and the winds that it brings.

 

And I’ll say just one more thing and then I will go

Paint your pictures in the present, for (the past is gone and) tomorrow never knows.”

My Heart is Set on You (or Never Ever Fall in Love with a Rockstar) by Megan Seaman

Heart on fire

My heart is set on you

My heart is set on you

Though you do not care that I exist

Though I send you lollipops like you wish

Though my fragile tissue may gushingly bleed

Though you think you have all you need

Though she sings the songs you passionately sing

Though you’ve given her that diamond ring

Though what I say might sound disturbing

Though I’ll take a hundred years discerning

Though the truth is yet disappointingly unknown

Though you won’t call me on your telephone

Though we live miles and miles apart

Though the distance is long to make a start

Though it rains cold drops on Monday morning

Though it persists through evening violently storming

Though when the sun comes it is wondrously warm

Though the light reveals the drapes now torn

Though what I might say doesn’t mean a thing

Though you care not for gifts I bring

Though I will never feel the touch of your hand

Though we will never go the places I plan

Though the Universe is wide and wild and expanding

Though I’ll see you on that street corner standing

Though our eyes will meet in some seraphic way

Though at a moments pause you will turn and look away

My heart is set on you

My heart is set on you

My poor old lonely heart is set on you.

It hurts so good (8-2-14 to 8-3-14) – by Megan Seaman

Something golden below the surface

It hurts so good.

You run the sharp nail over the raw and tender surface and it hurts so good. It is the feeling of nothing; a faint scream, or some noise six billion years away. But you hear it anyway. It is the trickle of water from some cracked pipe, in some wall, on some floor, in some building, in some city, in some country, on some continent, and it leaks and flows in the darkness. But you hear it anyway. It is the glimmer, shining, thirty-six thousand feet below the sea, where Spanish dancing cucumbers can’t even survive. But you see it anyway. It is the honeyed smell of spring, some one hundred and seventy-nine days after the first leaf falls on autumn’s ground. But you smell it anyway. It is the flavor of the pomegranate in the dark red depths of the wine that grew from the grapes nourished by the land, which flourished an orchard of Persephone’s fruits nine thousand years ago. But you taste it anyway. It is the aching feeling under three (thousand) layers of skin, wanting to be exposed and touched, wanting to be acknowledge for the sensation it brings. But you feel it anyway. And though it is tender and raw under the piercing metal,

It hurts so good.

Eagle and the King (4-18-14) by Megan Seaman

Flight

“You surprised me with your flight

At once brave

At once unforeseen

Each occasion you swooped down

To take what was yours

And deliver your sovereign message

“By sunlight, moonbeam, and star gleam

you shall see your destiny has already been seen,

will peak, and achieve in fortune’s amity.”

Poem #98 (10-28-13) by Megan Seaman

“Dark waves seen only by the

Outline

Made from gold crests

That tipped with the ebb

After the flow.

 

Drifting for a century on

Water

Now calm and monotonous

Sometimes sea sickness

Set in the belly.

 

Dangerous to forget the

Possibility

Of land or ships or mermaids

Taking for granted the endless

Nature of swelling sea.

 

Decision to open eyes;

Heart

And hands. To begin to move

With any thought; a sign

To grab on to, hope.

 

Death is not harrowing to

Me

I believe it comes when

The soul has reached its greatest extent

And is ready to remove its veil.” – Megan Marie Seaman

I speaking those – I now silent (12-18-13)

Dream Doodle

“I looked at the reflection in the oven

I wore the dream, I heard the dream, I looked the dream straight in the face

 

Speaking of dreams you said it dimmed

Speaking of times passed way down and gone into endless oblivion

 

Those eyes they glimmered

Those eyes they beamed and pierced even through the complementary colors of the MAGazine

 

I wish on the lonely star shivering out there

I wasted my only breath on silly dreams of a silly girl unwilling to give up silly visions

 

Now here in the wee hours of stillness

Now there you are singing or something with clowns and circus performers of amazing feats!

 

Silent intentions small and secret hidden warm

Silent sighs to the soul who only answers, “someday, someday, someday…” by Megan Seaman

Mr. Wilson’s Thoughts Late Saturday Night (11-30-13) by Megan Seaman

“I don’t know where to begin. I asked the questions and no answer yet. Still waiting. I feel really gaseous. I just farted. I’m looking at the ember colored wall and have the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young version of “Only Love Can Break Your Heart” in my head. I don’t know if it is CSNY or just Neil Young who created the song.  I think about this girl with glasses, this songbird, this creative soul about a million times a day. I keep wondering when she will call. And then even that question makes me sick. I feel, I think that I’m clinging to that idea – like clinging to a person. Like clinging to one person will make all my life happy forever. And I judge myself. So many judgments about how love is supposed to work, how people are supposed to notice each other, what kind of people date and get together with what type of people. And it aches my heart and makes me feel queasy inside. “Only love can break your heart/try to be sure right from the start.” Like one should try to control what love does to you. I once saw a clip from a movie I don’t remember what movie but a girl says to a guy that the most important thing to do in life is to fall in love and give your love. And the guy says, “no the most important thing in life is to get your heart broken over and over and over again.” That’s what makes life. I never thought about it that way.

I think we live in this ideal state – maybe it’s not we, maybe it’s just me – but we live in this ideal that we’ll find “the One” and then everything will be just dandy. And if it is already dandy then we’ll just be dandier. But if we follow the guy’s mantra “most important is to get your heart broken over and over again” then there’s a little more freedom in that. As if there isn’t one state of being, there are many possibilities – and to try them as they come up, rather than passing them by for some ideal. Not that I think people shouldn’t have ideals or dreams or goals or something to aspire to or some direction. On the contrary, I think that people do best when they have some place they’re pointed to and with effort and grace moving there. I think knowing what you want is half the battle. Knowing what you want helps you intentionally make decisions about how you want to spend your time, who you want to spend your time with, and where you want to be. It promotes motivation and perseverance toward something. However, getting so attached to some outcome (i.e., goal, aspiration, dream) can shift you out of the present moment where you need to be to see the steps that will take you to those ideals.

Keeping a wakeful eye on the future is so important, but even more imperative is our abilities to stay here-and-now. It’s really easy to say that, but harder to play out daily. That’s where the practice begins. Instead of being ruled by our feeling about what is going on in our lives, rather we could notice the thoughts – the habitual patterns of how we think, and then with intentionality choose the ones that bring us closer to our goals and release the ones that don’t serve us. Staying present allows us to see the signs, hear the songs, smell the roses, taste the nectar, and feel the closeness of everything we aspire to. On our journey to what we want, it’s the practice in falling down and getting our hearts annihilated that will Godspeed us to all that we dreamed. And so loving as long and wide as we can – even at the expense of a broken heart – might just break down the hardened walls around our love, and let the true self shine.” – Megan Marie Seaman

Shed this Skin (9-21-13) by Megan Seaman

the snarl for the end.

“Tangled hair once silken

Now brittle layered in

between oil and skin flakes

animal skin

flaking

flaking

mistaking

the snarl for the end.

 

She reached her fingers in

Toward the pit

and ran

them through

silk and mane

pain

pain

of skin scabby cracked surface.

 

The purpose of this dermis

And the shedding of matter

No longer needed

For her journey coat

Broke

Broke

Choked

on the matted hair that pulled.

 

Shed this skin

Shed this skin

Shed this skin

 

Voice, body, and soul whispered

 

Shed this skin

Shed this skin

Shed this skin” – Megan Marie Seaman

Terrible Mistake (9-24-2013) by Megan Seaman

Mermaids mused about the comforting coolness of their blue black refuge… only depths away

“Was I your terrible mistake?

Five years gone blue then black

Attack of memories and

Flood of fury rocked and

Rolled me

To think that All I was

Was your terrible mistake.

 

Listening to The National

Sing about love given

Then lost, flagrantly

Left behind, lonely

And your apathetic

Words send me back

To that terrible mistake.

 

And no matter how much

My smart head refigures

Recalibrates the path

The viral data eventually infect

Each new datum

Downloaded from above

And imprint this terrible mistake.

 

Silent prayers to see

Your smile beam

Sunlight on me

Again, a risible wish

Spoken to apparitions

Who have no permissions

To mess with the plight of terrible mistakes.

 

Then the blue black darkness

Gets deeper, colder, faster,

Closes in quicker

And it half occurs that

The emptiness before me

Rests within me

As I persistently prescribe this terrible mistake.” – Megan Marie Seaman

 

Letter: You’ve Been Showing Up In My Dreams (8-28-13) by Megan Seaman

“My Dearest,

Hi. so it’s weird for me to connect with you

like this. I don’t have any of your contact info anymore.

but i knew where I could find you

in the world wide web.

I don’t really use this social media (my page is way out of date),

but I’m glad, i guess that this is a way to connect.

 

you’ve been showing up in my dreams

for the past month or two.

It’s weird because i haven’t thought about you

or any of that silly stuff in a longtime.

As dreams go, I usually dismiss them as old memories

or symbols or something.

but i thought this time,

i would just take the most obvious interpretation.

 

I don’t know why you’re coming up,

but you are. one of the dreams had you and her in it.

She was in a long lacy wedding dress

– a parade surrounded her –

i only supposed that it was your wedding.

it was a weird dream to have

– that one happened about one month back.

 

Then a day ago or so,

I saw our friend

posted a pic of the girl in white

at what looked like

a shower of sorts.

I can imagine it was her wedding shower.

which means

that you’ll be married soon.

 

well, i don’t know what else to say.

I really want you to be happy.

and i want me to be happy.

i think i’m happy.

but there’s a weird feeling

i get in my dreams

when i see you.

 

whatever.

i feel stupid for reaching out.

I guess i’ll just say one more thing

and then please don’t respond.

just be happy.

because I loved you. I really did.

and a part of me still does.

it’s a weird thing,

and i don’t know why i fell so hard.

maybe it was a rebound from a failed marriage,

maybe it was insecurities and wanting to cling to something.

or maybe it was just plain old love.

whatever it was, it was real.

 

i care for you,

although i really hope i never see you again

(the universe has done a good job of making that so).

But, with that said,

i do wish you so much

happiness and love.

 

be well and happy,

and free,

my friend.

love

always,

me” – Megan Marie Seaman